Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
