My boss' voice literally gives me gas
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
