I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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