he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
