Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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