I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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