what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
