We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
