forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
