I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
