u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
