I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
