it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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