fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
