I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
