Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have already put on my inside pants.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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