so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
