wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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