Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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