drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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