yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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