where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
