Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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