I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
