her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
