Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
