I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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