you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
