There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
