Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
