I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
