I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
