just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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