1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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