dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
