and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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