just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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