Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
