I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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