I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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