i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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