What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
