apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
