At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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