I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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