Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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