Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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