Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
