ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she told me i tasted like america
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
