Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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