i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
