I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
