The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
