he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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