i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
