the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
