I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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