did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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