he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
