I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
