It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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