Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
