I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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