I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
