After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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