On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
