I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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