Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
