awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
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