i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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