why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
