dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
